Even if He does not
I used to be completely baffled at women who stayed in abusive or bad relationships - any kind of abuse, not just physical. I couldn't understand how anyone would allow themselves to be hurt so deeply on a daily basis by someone else. I always figured survival insticts would take over and if it didn't their wrath that "how dare he do that to me" would kick in and off they would go to the police and family, leting the whole wold know what a dispecable excuse for a human their boyfriend/fiance/husband was. It simply didn't make sense to me how anyone would let themselves be hurt in such a manner. I think I sort of understand - they would much rather deal with the hurt and the pain inflicted on them then even consider the possibility of ripping their own heart out and leaving it on the door step as they left.
At the same time I can also see how why so many people leave so early on. They would rather just rip off the band-aid deal with the horrific pain all at once and learn how to move on. I'm not sure which is better - death by fatal stabbing or death by a thousand cuts. Either way, a part of the soul dies, is hacked off and withers away. And it can't ever grow back. Sure, the part of the healthly soul can get stronger and compensate for the loss, but that which has once been lost can never be reclaimed.
It hurts so much right now but at the same time I can't imagine life any less painful if Ryan wasn't in it. It might even be more painful if he wasn't there. I would always wonder if it could have gotten better if the Ryan I knew before the wedding would come back and replace the Ryan I currently live with. I would always wonder if he could have made me happy again. At least by staying, no matter how painful our marriage becomes, I will know the answers.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter.
"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
Even if God does not deliver Ryan and I from the fate we seem headed for I will not despair "For thus says the LORD, `When seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, `plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'
Even if He does not, God has plans for me after my exile.
At the same time I can also see how why so many people leave so early on. They would rather just rip off the band-aid deal with the horrific pain all at once and learn how to move on. I'm not sure which is better - death by fatal stabbing or death by a thousand cuts. Either way, a part of the soul dies, is hacked off and withers away. And it can't ever grow back. Sure, the part of the healthly soul can get stronger and compensate for the loss, but that which has once been lost can never be reclaimed.
It hurts so much right now but at the same time I can't imagine life any less painful if Ryan wasn't in it. It might even be more painful if he wasn't there. I would always wonder if it could have gotten better if the Ryan I knew before the wedding would come back and replace the Ryan I currently live with. I would always wonder if he could have made me happy again. At least by staying, no matter how painful our marriage becomes, I will know the answers.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to give you an answer concerning this matter.
"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."
Even if God does not deliver Ryan and I from the fate we seem headed for I will not despair "For thus says the LORD, `When seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, `plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'
Even if He does not, God has plans for me after my exile.
posted by Rebecca at 2:02 AM
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