infectious, malicious venom
I want to go home so badly, yet I don't know why I want to go so desperately. There is nothing there for me really. It's not like I have friends back home, or at least none who care enough to keep in touch with me while I'm at school. What sort of friends are those? I haven't talked to my best friend from home in 2-3 weeks. She's never online, she never calls, she never returns my calls. Nothing. What's the point of going home? Sure, I have Michael, but right now that doesn't seem to be going very well, and things are only going to get worse when I go home because of his mother. I don't even want to think about that. The line has already been crossed, yet we do nothing.
I'm sick of this, I sick of this apathy, this coldness. I feel like screaming and gnashing my teeth at the world. Look at yourselves! What do you see? I see nothing. I see self-absorbed people who do not notice the world around them. You sick self-righteous people. Don't you realize that God can see right through you? The only person you are fooling is yourself. I'm sick of living in a world where no one notices other people, where no one stops to help, where no one cares. What do I have to look forward to if the world is always likes this? My heart is ill, my soul dark at what you profess to believe yet all you do is argue with each other. "Women shouldn't be ordained" "Yes they should." "No!" "Yes!" "Heretic!" "Blasphemer!" Your words are like an infectious, malicious venom that poisons everything you touch. You are contaminating the world. You make me sick.
I'm sick of this, I sick of this apathy, this coldness. I feel like screaming and gnashing my teeth at the world. Look at yourselves! What do you see? I see nothing. I see self-absorbed people who do not notice the world around them. You sick self-righteous people. Don't you realize that God can see right through you? The only person you are fooling is yourself. I'm sick of living in a world where no one notices other people, where no one stops to help, where no one cares. What do I have to look forward to if the world is always likes this? My heart is ill, my soul dark at what you profess to believe yet all you do is argue with each other. "Women shouldn't be ordained" "Yes they should." "No!" "Yes!" "Heretic!" "Blasphemer!" Your words are like an infectious, malicious venom that poisons everything you touch. You are contaminating the world. You make me sick.
posted by Rebecca at 2:27 AM
2 Comments:
I still notice and care. (As much as I can anyway.) If you ever need to talk or anything, you know my number. I'd call you more often, but it always seems you are terribly busy, and I'm not a fan of interrupting people when they are busy...
I fear that means me, too. And (all too much) it is true.
I've been realizing this little by little.. finding my fortesses of make-believe that give me such confidence. And i don't like them anymore.
So, last week i prayed the big one.. the one that goes, "show me myself." This week i'm getting glimpses.. and it's not pretty..
but being mad at the world can't help anything. don't let it fester in you.. take it to God (like Nehemiah 1:6) and let's both remember the planks in our own eyes!
-Brian
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