Family
This evening I came to a strange revelation; ok, it's not really all that strange or that deep but whatever. I worked at SPU for 15 months and while at times it was hard, difficult, frustrating and painful I loved it. I loved every second, even the seconds where I wished it would stop. I never once woke up in the morning thinking "I don't want to go to work today, I wish I didn't have the work ethic that makes me go in". I never once thought "I should just quit" or "I need a new job." Not once. Finding a job like that is a once, maybe twice in a lifetime thing and I walked away from it. Granted I had the best reasons in the world to walk away from it, but it still aches that I'm not there anymore. Like how my bad knee aches when it gets cold and damp outside. Every time I wake up thinking "I don't want to go to work today" it aches.
It's not just that I liked my job, because there were a few large chunks that I didn't like doing, rather it was that OSS was home and the officers were brothers, student workers were younger siblings with Cheryl and Vic at the helm. I felt more at home there than I ever did in our little apartment in Lynnwood. It was the people as much as it was what I was doing. I felt like I was a part of something, something good that was real and tangible. I saw every day how what I did effected other people and helped people. I watched and I helped when things went down, when things went wrong, when things went right. I planned and had ideas that were implemented and praised. I knew I worked hard and did a good job, but I guess I didn't realize how much a part of things I had become. When I left people told me "I'm so sorry you're leaving, you did such an amazing job - we've never had anyone like you." I wasn't really surprised by this, I knew I worked hard, but I didn't realize that people noticed - I was just doing my job.
It's so hard now to go from being a fairly independent worker who was in charge of two programs in addition to basically being the office manager to bottom of the food chain doing a job that requires little to no skills where none of my potential is being used. I know I've only been at my current job a few months and I believe that it will get better in time. But at the same time it's so hard because while my first two months at SPU were HARD they were so good. I got dumped into a position and told "go!" and I did. Where I am now there is little respect for the abilities that I've cultivated, partly because I know, and they know, that this is not what I am suited for.
I don't want to say that I am destined for greater things, because that's not it at all. I want a job that is more rewarding that does something good - that stands for something, that stands for someone. I'm not sure what that is, but I hope I find it soon.
Part of this not so grand realization that I had tonight was that it had to do with what we (SPU and OSS) were doing, but most of all the people that were there. If the SPU campus were to burn to the ground or get swallowed up by an earthquake or the sea you could gather all survivors and transport them to another state, to another country, and it would still be the same. It is the people there who made it a great job, not just the job itself. I'm sure with the wrong people it would have been an awful job full of migraines and ulcers, but it wasn't. I hope that I'll find another job that I love doing as much as I loved being at SPU.
It's not just that I liked my job, because there were a few large chunks that I didn't like doing, rather it was that OSS was home and the officers were brothers, student workers were younger siblings with Cheryl and Vic at the helm. I felt more at home there than I ever did in our little apartment in Lynnwood. It was the people as much as it was what I was doing. I felt like I was a part of something, something good that was real and tangible. I saw every day how what I did effected other people and helped people. I watched and I helped when things went down, when things went wrong, when things went right. I planned and had ideas that were implemented and praised. I knew I worked hard and did a good job, but I guess I didn't realize how much a part of things I had become. When I left people told me "I'm so sorry you're leaving, you did such an amazing job - we've never had anyone like you." I wasn't really surprised by this, I knew I worked hard, but I didn't realize that people noticed - I was just doing my job.
It's so hard now to go from being a fairly independent worker who was in charge of two programs in addition to basically being the office manager to bottom of the food chain doing a job that requires little to no skills where none of my potential is being used. I know I've only been at my current job a few months and I believe that it will get better in time. But at the same time it's so hard because while my first two months at SPU were HARD they were so good. I got dumped into a position and told "go!" and I did. Where I am now there is little respect for the abilities that I've cultivated, partly because I know, and they know, that this is not what I am suited for.
I don't want to say that I am destined for greater things, because that's not it at all. I want a job that is more rewarding that does something good - that stands for something, that stands for someone. I'm not sure what that is, but I hope I find it soon.
Part of this not so grand realization that I had tonight was that it had to do with what we (SPU and OSS) were doing, but most of all the people that were there. If the SPU campus were to burn to the ground or get swallowed up by an earthquake or the sea you could gather all survivors and transport them to another state, to another country, and it would still be the same. It is the people there who made it a great job, not just the job itself. I'm sure with the wrong people it would have been an awful job full of migraines and ulcers, but it wasn't. I hope that I'll find another job that I love doing as much as I loved being at SPU.
posted by Rebecca at 8:07 AM
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