Friendship Muscles
Recently I’ve been spending some time with a friend of mine who is rapidly becoming a good friend – and not just because he is one of my only friends within a 50 mile radius of my apartment. I don’t really want to talk about what makes him a good friend, etc, but rather the effect or result that the friendship is having. Up until about two weeks ago I was happy in my routine of work, home, cook, clean, watch tv, read a book, go to bed, repeat. I was content with how I lived, what I did and my interactions with other people - especially my bible study potlucks on Thursday nights.
At first it started out as cooking lessons; ok, that fits into my already existing routine of work, home, cook, etc. Not a big deal – it combines a bunch of things I love: cooking good food, eating good food and hanging out with good friends. But after that my routines got disturbed, we would hang out afterward and watch a movie or go for a walk or … talk. Scandalous, I know.
But this had a much deeper impact on me than I ever wanted to realize. In my contented isolation I had closed off certain aspects of my life that got popped open. To be honest I wasn’t ready for those doors to be opened, I was completely unprepared for what it meant. Suddenly things that used to hurt but had been scabbed over split down the middle and started oozing. This isn’t a bad oozing; it is a release of things that my emotional body needs to get rid of – a purging of infected cells by my immune system. By all accounts this is a very good thing, however it also means that I don’t feel as strong as I usually do, things that hadn’t effected me before are suddenly taking their toll on me.
The other aspect of this is that now all I want to do is hang out with people – talk about seriously disturbing my routine. Everyone must be getting so tired of me already; “hey you want to do something today?” “ummm… didn’t we do something yesterday?” Not a good idea to wear people out with too much of me.
Right now I would much rather go out and play than be here at work. This is probably nothing new to most of America’s work force, but this is new to me. I *like* working. I like my job, I like coming in and checking off items on my to do list. But now, I don’t want to do them – oh I know I should, but all I want to do is go clean my apartment so I can invite people over for dinner or call my cooking friend up and ask if he wants to learn how to make beef stew and biscuits. For the first time in a long time I want to go out and play with someone – like throw frisbee, swing on a swing set, climb a tree – something adventurous.
As I was hanging out last night he said something that made me laugh so hard my ribs felt like they were going to break – it wasn’t until after I got home that I realized that it had been months since I laughed like that with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I laugh all the time, but it’s usually at books or movies or tv shows. Sometimes other people, but never a full out laugh where I think, “if he doesn’t stop I’ll suffocate because I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard”
I think that this is a good effect on me, but at the same time it’s a little painful right now. My friendship muscles are weak from disuse and also very sore because I started using them again.
At first it started out as cooking lessons; ok, that fits into my already existing routine of work, home, cook, etc. Not a big deal – it combines a bunch of things I love: cooking good food, eating good food and hanging out with good friends. But after that my routines got disturbed, we would hang out afterward and watch a movie or go for a walk or … talk. Scandalous, I know.
But this had a much deeper impact on me than I ever wanted to realize. In my contented isolation I had closed off certain aspects of my life that got popped open. To be honest I wasn’t ready for those doors to be opened, I was completely unprepared for what it meant. Suddenly things that used to hurt but had been scabbed over split down the middle and started oozing. This isn’t a bad oozing; it is a release of things that my emotional body needs to get rid of – a purging of infected cells by my immune system. By all accounts this is a very good thing, however it also means that I don’t feel as strong as I usually do, things that hadn’t effected me before are suddenly taking their toll on me.
The other aspect of this is that now all I want to do is hang out with people – talk about seriously disturbing my routine. Everyone must be getting so tired of me already; “hey you want to do something today?” “ummm… didn’t we do something yesterday?” Not a good idea to wear people out with too much of me.
Right now I would much rather go out and play than be here at work. This is probably nothing new to most of America’s work force, but this is new to me. I *like* working. I like my job, I like coming in and checking off items on my to do list. But now, I don’t want to do them – oh I know I should, but all I want to do is go clean my apartment so I can invite people over for dinner or call my cooking friend up and ask if he wants to learn how to make beef stew and biscuits. For the first time in a long time I want to go out and play with someone – like throw frisbee, swing on a swing set, climb a tree – something adventurous.
As I was hanging out last night he said something that made me laugh so hard my ribs felt like they were going to break – it wasn’t until after I got home that I realized that it had been months since I laughed like that with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I laugh all the time, but it’s usually at books or movies or tv shows. Sometimes other people, but never a full out laugh where I think, “if he doesn’t stop I’ll suffocate because I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard”
I think that this is a good effect on me, but at the same time it’s a little painful right now. My friendship muscles are weak from disuse and also very sore because I started using them again.
posted by Rebecca at 8:49 PM
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