Better is one day in Your house

Today was a hard day for me. It always is when God shows you something He's been waiting to teach you. My church did communion for the first time since Easter today.

"The Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way he took the cup also, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes."

I sat there and thought and prayed to God about the meaning of the cross and how Christ gave His very life for mine, for everyone; for Ryan just as much as He traded His blood for mine. I couldn't bear it, the knowledge, the pain, the understanding of exactly what He did for us. I starting sobbing and praying to God in earnest what was in my heart, not what I wanted to pray for, what I knew I should pray for. In that moment He taught me something I had forgotten: this is not my home. I do not belong here.

I prayed, "Jesus, please take me home. I long to be in a place where it doesn't hurt any more, where all I do is sing of how great You are. You are the God who created the world and the moon and stars. Please take me home... O God, take me to You and make me Yours. Amen."

It hurts so much to be here, in this world. The only comfort is that I know that I will always have a place to go home to - that He has prepared a place for me in His house. I long for the day when I can go home to Jesus.