Deathbed

I was so scared of Jesus
But He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs
That's killing me now
And I've given up hope
On the days I have left
But I cling to the hope
Of my life in the next

Then Jesus showed up
Said "Before we go
I thought that we might reminisce
See one night in your life
When you turned out the light
You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"

You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite
You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"

I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear You whisper to me,
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"

But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home

"I am the Way
Follow Me
And take My hand
And I am the Truth
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light
And for Me you'll live again
For I am Love
I am Love
I, I am Love"


Relient K
Deathbed

Wedding Pictures

Wedding pictures have arrived and have been sorted and edited by yours truly. If you would like to see them let me know and I will send you a bunch. I might figure out how to put them online for y'all, but I'm not sure how I want to do that yet. Maybe with google pictures or something.

Side note: Carrera, the photographer totally had a thing for you because there are way more pictures of you than anyone else, except for me and Ryan of course.

Life according to Rebecca

Today I want to talk about compassion and mercy. I'm not talking about pity and cheap forgiveness; I'm talking about having compassion for people and having mercy on those around us. Compassion and mercy are things that are so close to my heart, mostly because without them I would be lost forever. I want to talk about these things without sounding cheesy, fake, or unrealistic so please bear with me as I work my way through this complicated idea.

For me, without the compassion and mercy of Christ I would be nothing. There is nothing that I have, nothing that I have done or could ever do that would save me from what I deserve. Without the intercession of Christ I have nothing to recommend myself to God. Because the sinless Savior died, my guilty soul is counted free; for God the Just is satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.

Because of this life changing compassion and mercy I feel compelled (not guilted, not manipulated, but drawn or called willingly) to give the same compassion and mercy to other people. I have been given this huge, amazing gift and how can I not share the same gift with other people? Knowing that Christ calls all to Him and has compassion, love, mercy, grace, etc on all the people of the world, how can I treat other people with derision, how can I justify to myself treating them as less than anything but the Children of God?

This does not mean that I think we live in a utopian society where it is all love and dancing teddy bears. It means that everyone gets the same basic human respect - no matter what. I am not naive about what someone can do to another human being and that there are monsters out there. But, until they are dead there is still hope for them. If I can't find it in myself to have compassion and mercy on someone, no matter what, then there is nothing that separates me from them, I am guilty of the same thing they are: having no regard for human life.

I have nowhere to go

I used to have good coping mechanizms for when things went wrong. I used to have plans in place so that I could do what I needed to do to save myself - to allow myself to feel better so when I went back to look at why I felt so bad, why I was hurt so much I would be able to work through it quickly and let it go with peace. Now all my safe havens are gone and I have nowhere to go - no one to turn to.

I wish I had a Jack O'Neill to say "For this, you can stay at my place." My Jack O'Neil moved to Colorado. I really do bless her in going, I'm so happy for her new life and all the places she is going. But I can't help but lament the loss of being able to call her up and ask "Can I take you to dinner?" or "can we hang out tonight?" Just being able to have someone to eat chocolate with and cry about how awful I feel made me feel so much better and like things weren't as bad as my head and heart made them out to be.

What makes it worse is that the one person who should always be my safe haven is the one that I can never go to...