Best Laid Plans

These past two days have been rather... interesting to say the least. Thursday night was Mock Rock. Which was amazing! I have never seen anything funnier in my entire stay here. The sheer amount of talent was astonishing. I have never seen that many people dance that well together in such creative and hysterical ways. Let alone seeing an entire floor of Emerson (all male) dance an entire old school Michael Jackson music video. It was astonishing. I haven't laughed that hard since I came to Biola. I've noticed that all the worthwhile Biola traditions take place at the end of spring semester. Mock Rock, Biola Film Festive, Spring Banquet, etc. all happen at the end of April beginning of May. I don't get it.

I went to a TV taping last night with 6 of the girls from my floor that I seem to have united by some strange force of nature. Hannah and I became friends, even though I am the last door at the far end of the hall and she on the exact opposite end. Rachel lives across the hall and met Hannah and Nantikan (Hannah's lovely Jersey roommate) because I was always in Hannah' room or she in mine. And then the other Rachel and her roommate joined in, don't ask me how, but it's great fun. But back to the main point of the story, the TV taping. We went to go see the pilot of a new sitcom "Best Laid Plans" which has people from Frasier, Third Rock from the Sun, and some other well knowns. It was pretty good. It will probably get onto the fall line up. The especially neat thing is that not only did they feed the entire audience pizza, but they were paying us $20 a person to sit there and laugh. Now that's what I call amusing.

infectious, malicious venom

I want to go home so badly, yet I don't know why I want to go so desperately. There is nothing there for me really. It's not like I have friends back home, or at least none who care enough to keep in touch with me while I'm at school. What sort of friends are those? I haven't talked to my best friend from home in 2-3 weeks. She's never online, she never calls, she never returns my calls. Nothing. What's the point of going home? Sure, I have Michael, but right now that doesn't seem to be going very well, and things are only going to get worse when I go home because of his mother. I don't even want to think about that. The line has already been crossed, yet we do nothing.
I'm sick of this, I sick of this apathy, this coldness. I feel like screaming and gnashing my teeth at the world. Look at yourselves! What do you see? I see nothing. I see self-absorbed people who do not notice the world around them. You sick self-righteous people. Don't you realize that God can see right through you? The only person you are fooling is yourself. I'm sick of living in a world where no one notices other people, where no one stops to help, where no one cares. What do I have to look forward to if the world is always likes this? My heart is ill, my soul dark at what you profess to believe yet all you do is argue with each other. "Women shouldn't be ordained" "Yes they should." "No!" "Yes!" "Heretic!" "Blasphemer!" Your words are like an infectious, malicious venom that poisons everything you touch. You are contaminating the world. You make me sick.

Ooh La La

Well, these past few days have been rather interesting. Thursday I practically fell out of my chair in Dr. Pickett's British Literature class due to dizziness, which is never good. But I got to meet the head of the English dept. at SPU, Susan Van Zanten Gallagher that day, so I think that made up for it. Friday I went to Dr. Doland's retirement party, which was a lot of fun, and had everyone in stitches because everyone was telling these great stories about her. I didn't realize how much she had done, not just in general, but also for Biola. Heck, if it wasn't for her we wouldn't have BUBBS - which would be completely scandalous. Speaking of scandalous I got an e-mail the other day informing me that my "problems in bed" are caused by lousy nuclei. Silly me, I thought it was because I don't have a husband. My goodness, what was I thinking?

On Saturday I slept so much! it was horrible, I got absolutely nothing done. I got up, went to brunch, came back, thought about my homework and then took a nap. I was only intending to sleep maybe an hour, but I didn't wake up until four hours later when Hannah pounded on my door asking if I wanted to go to dinner. At dinner Hannah and I planned what we're going to do this summer. Some weekend I'm going to take the train down to Seattle and spend the weekend in Port Orchard doing who-knows-what. Also Hannah and I are going to drive up to Canada and go to some fancy-smancy restaurant and buy an expensive dinner and a bottle of wine. Huzzah for Canada where the drinking age is 19. Woot!

I guess it was a good thing that I slept so late because I found out that my friend Rachel got into a huge fight with her grandparents over her beliefs. they disowned her, canceled her financial aid, threatened to kick her mother and younger sister out (who are living with them) and had the car company reposes her car - which they co-signed for. Everything she has right now is in her dorm room, which isn't much. She doesn't know what she's going to do. She doesn't have a place to live when school gets out, she doesn't have a job. I was up with her until 2:00am or so. I know that there are a few of you who regularly read my blog, so please, please pray for Rachel. This is so heart breaking, I wish there was more I could do to help her.

I still haven't heard back from either WWU or SPU, which is a little scary because the acceptance deadline is in 6 days. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get into either. Probably take a quarter off and work, maybe take a class at the community college or something like that. I really want to go to SPU; I am completely drawn there. Their English dept. is excellent and I could probably graduate at the end of the year, maybe at the end of summer quarter. Either is completely do-able. I just hope that I get in, and they let me know soon. This suspense is driving me nuts. Arg.

This past week I gave in a bought an ipod shuffle. I must say that I entirely thrilled with my splurge (did I spell that right? oh well.) It is, as Brian Russell would say, "Neat!" All I can hope is that I don't become one of those people who walk around all day long with their white earphones in their ears ignoring the world and thinking they are so cool because they have an ipod. The other day I saw some girl who had her ipod in one ear and her cell phone in the other. I was frightening, I don't know how she did it, but I guess some people can pull it off.

Well, there are only 31 days until I get to go home. Whoohoo!!! I am excited about going back home; I can't wait. But I have also realized that I have 45-50 pages worth of papers that I need to write in the next 30 days as well as do the research for them. I wish I could take a week off from classes and just write my papers, but that probably isn't a good idea. I wouldn't get them all done, and teachers generally frown on missing that much class. *sighs* oh well, it will get done, how I don't know, but it will.

Take this heart of mine

God in Heaven take this heart of mine.
Dry and dusty, but with love divine,
satisfy the thirst inside you'll find.
God in Heaven take this, take this heart of mine.

God in Heaven like a gentle rain,
On this desert won't you fall again?
God in Heaven take this, take this heart of mine.

God in heaven take this heart of mine,
Winter cold but with your love divine,
Thaw the frozeness inside you'll find.
God in Heaven take this, take this heart of mine.

God in Heaven like a warming wind,
Melt the ice that has built up within.
God in Heaven take this, take this heart of mine.

A Wink and a Smile

A Wink and a Smile

I remember the days of just keeping time
Of hanging around in sleepy town
Forever back roads empty for miles

Well you can’t have a dream and cut it to fit
But when I saw you I knew
We’d go together, like a wink and a smile

Leave your old jalopy by the railroad track
We’ll get a hip double-dip hip Topy two seat Pontiac
So you can rev her up, don’t go slow
It’s only green lights and no rights
Let’s go together like a wink and a smile

Give me a wink and a smile

We go together like a wink and a smile

Now my heart is music, such a simple song
Sing it again the notes never end this is where I belong

Just the sound of your voice the light in your eyes
They’re so far away from yesterday
Together like a wink and a smile
We go together like a wink and a smile

Everything I ever loved

I hate this, this despair, this loneliness, this emptiness. People don't understand; they say "you're only homesick" or "I understand, I was homesick my first year too." You don't understand. You can go home whenever you want. You live two hours away, you have a car. At least you have the option of going home, I don't. You didn't leave everything you ever loved to go to a place that you hate, or at least despise for everything it's done to you. I have seven more weeks of this - this pain before I can go home and try to heal. I just hope that there will be something left of me by then.

Michael, I miss my Michael. I miss his smile, his laugh, his sarcasm. I miss the fact that I can't tickle him until he grabs my wrists to make me to stop. I miss the feel of his lips on my forehead. I miss hugging him and realizing that my head only comes up to the bottom of his clavicle. I miss the fact that I can't even look at his face and see how much he loves me. I want to go back home to Washington. I miss Washington so dearly. That is my home. I miss seeing trees of all shapes and sizes clumped together all over the place. I miss the grey drizzle and the thrill of seeing the sun when it peeks through the clouds. I miss the fact that I can be crazy strange in Bellingham and no one cares, everyone smiles at it and shrugs their shoulders "It is Bellingham after all." Washington will always be my home. I will always say when asked where I am from "Washington."

I feel sleepy...

I am sleepy right now. I want to go to bed, but I know that in the morning I won't want to get up. I never do. There is something about biola that makes me tired, all the time. No matter how compelling my stomach is being or how wonderful a hot shower would feel I simply don't want to get out of bed. I always feel like I need more sleep, like I haven't had enough. I can get anywhere from 3-11 hours of sleep and I still feel sleepy. My bed is always nice, warm and cozy; on top of that I don't have anything other than chapel, class, and homework to look forward to. Why would anyone want to get out of bed for those things? When I was home for break I could go to bed at 2:00-3:00 in the morning and get up 7 hours later and be filled with energy and want to get up. Here... I have to force myself up out of bed and restrain myself from climbing back in after five minutes. I feel like I sleep better here, but it's obvious that I don't because of my continuous lack of energy. I think I just miss my cat. My poor, demented witch kitty - Gwenifur. She always sleeps on my bed, sometimes on my pillow and other times on my face. But she's my cat and I love her dearly. Maybe I just need something alive in my room while I sleep, something with it's own heartbeat, something with it's own breath. Most people at biola would tell me that I need to get married. I think I just need my cat.



"The greatest sin passion can commit is to be joyless." - Dorothy L. Sayers