To minor, or not to minor - that is the question

Okay, you know all that talk about getting out of school as fast as I can? We'll... I'm sort of re-thinking that strategy. Here's the deal: there are all these classes that I really want to take because I want to take them. Not because they're my major classes or because they fulfill some sort of degree requirement, but because I want to take them. So I started looking at staying at SPU for one extra quarter so I could take a full quarter of whatever I want. The more and more I look at it I want to get a minor in theology. A majority of the classes that I want to take are taught by the theology department. The problem with that is that if I did peruse a minor in theology there are a few things that would chafe at me, like the urban ministry requirements. That's not why I want to get a minor in theology, I don't want to have to take 6 credits worth of urban ministry classes - not even actual ministry! But if I just took all the theology classes that interested me, then later on in life I would be upset with myself that I didn't get the minor. So this is my dilemma: Do I go for the minor in theology (it would consume all of my "because I want to take them" classes) or do I just take one or two theology classes and whatever else I feel like? I don't know! This requires a lot of thought, at least I have a quarter or so to think about it and talk to people about. I just feel really young, but old at the same time, you know? I feel so young because I'm a 19 year old college senior, and old because I've been going to college for four years. I'm mature for my age and for my level of knowledge, but I feel like I haven't experienced all that I could have at college.

There are all these things that I want to do, but I'm afraid that the path that I've set myself on won't allow me to deviate from it and do all these really cool and neat things, like living on the East Coast, living in Europe, traveling around the world. To live in place that has so much heritage and history, I want to live in Boston and go to all the museums, and see the sights, and work in a little Italian Restaurant. That sounds like so much fun! If I get married right out of college I probably can't do that - it would take so much to get Michael to move to the East Coast or to move to Europe with me for a year. I'm not sure he would want to do it. He has all these grand plans (so do I) about owning his own business, but he believes that he will start it right out of school. That's not really feasible, but say working for a machine shop on the East Coast and getting experience for a few years would be a great opportunity! (IMHO) I haven't gotten around to talk to him about this yet, so who knows, he might surprise me.

voice of an angel

I just had one of the best experiences – ever. Today has sort of been a blah day. I woke up this morning, late, had to go to a class I absolutely despise and sit there for 2 and a half hours then had a hour for lunch and for some odd reason my sandwich didn’t taste especially good. After that I had to sit through another 2 and half hour class (this one is actually a good class, just long) The day just has been very… blah. Then *insert dramatic music here* I walked to the corner 7-11 and walked in and was enveloped in the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. Blasting from the small speakers at the front of the store was a gorgeous Italian opera. I stood there, just inside the door and closed my eyes; for that small moment I wasn’t an overworked college student, a stressed out girlfriend or an insignificant person in the scheme of life – I had wings and I was beautiful. For that moment I was draped in fine, expensive silks. The notes brightened, grew warm and rich – then it was broken; “Excuse me, can I help you?” I blinked. For that few seconds I had honestly forgotten where I was, who I was. I went and grabbed a gallon of milk from the refrigerator section. It just completely made my day that in this grungy, sad, ghetto little 7-11 I heard this completely beautiful voice that just stopped me in my tracks. Words cannot accurately describe what that voice did to me. For that single moment there was nothing but that voice. It wrapped itself around my head; it soaked into the small crevices of my brain, during that time I belonged to the voice, that’s all I heard, it’s all I was. That voice was all that mattered, it owned me; nothing else mattered.

"all warm and sexy"

I am about to pose a few questions that I think deserves much thought. Why can't there be men in the world like Joe Morelli, or Ranger (Stephanie Plum novels) ? I don't mean superheroes or masked avengers - not even an Indiana Jones, but men, good looking men who make just about every woman swoon, and not just because the are hot, but because they are driven, hard working, amazing in bed men. Are there no men like that? Why? There should be men like that, extraordinary men who have good hearts and slightly crazy minds. (When I say crazy I mean that in a non-psycho way) Why can't I have a Ranger or a Mr. Darcy? Yes I know that they are only a piece of fiction that they're not real and never will be. I'm not disputing that, what I don't understand if it's so obvious that these are men of good character and are written by women (who obviously know what women want - sorry Mel Gibson) then why aren't there men out there like them? I don't mean any disrespect towards Michael - don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart, but still… I can't help but wonder if there are really guys out there like that. Guys who are all warm and sexy and smart and genuinely good people. If there are, where are they? I want a man who is all warm and sexy, sweet and kind, hard and muscular, smart and intelligent - who isn't insecure about his masculinity. All the men I know who are like that only appear on paper in black ink.

The more and more I read the Stephanie Plum novels or Jane Austen novels, the more and more I want what I can never attain - something that I'm not sure even exists. No not adventure, not love (I know that both of those exist) but a man who is the stuff of dreams. These men are far from perfect each with their own set of faults, but it's how they handle the rest of themselves that makes them extraordinary. Mmm…. Ranger… all warm and sexy. Oh, and all the guys in the novels all smell good. I guess having 5 out of 9 isn't half bad. I should probably consider myself lucky.

Bordering on Beauty

Sleepless in the night
You ravish me
As angels fly into ecstasy
Slipping, sliding, screaming.
Be all my sins remembered.
And when the stars watered
Heaven with their tears
You ravished me
Spears rained down
Piercing, puncturing, pounding
Sounding, sounding, darkness. Silence
All encompassing, in, through, around

In, out; in, out
Start, stop; start, stop
Gasp for a breath
Bodies being ravished, wrenched
Torn from their minds and
Thrown into the far reaches.
Crawl back, flown by angels
Into the arms from whence you departed
Grasp and cling to the verge
The precipice, before you
Once again are thrown down
To ride the waves that
Wrack your body.
Stillness, heart palpitating
Body boneless, bordering on beauty
And yet, you ravish me.


copyright Rebecca Taylor 2006.


Tell me what you think, and no (unlike what my roommate thought) this is not about sex.

Throw Down Your Farewell

Alright, I'm not even going to talk about my Christmas vacation because it was probably the worst ones I can remember. Not the actual Christmas day, but the whole vacation pretty much sucked. Crap, now I'm talking about it. I'm going to stop talking about it right now.

(I think you can tell I've been reading Stephanie Plum novels again) But now that school has started again I'm starting to get a little freaked out. Okay, I have five classes and I've only have 3 of them so far because school started in the middle of the week. So far I've had the *joy* of going to Modern Fiction which is taught by a very British lady - so there is that highlight - UCOR 2000 which promises to be the worse class I've taken in my college career (except for psych my freshman year) and by far the most high school class I've taken since... well, high school. Last night I spend two hours writing the daily assignments for the next three weeks, complete busy work. I hate - no detest - busy work. My other class that I've had is by far the hardest class I will ever take: Literary Capstone: Toni Morrison. I have so much stuff to do for that class, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do it I have so many paper to do just for that class alone. *sighs* I still haven't had my Senior Capstone or my math lab. I'll see how that goes Monday I guess.

I must say that I really don't like Hemmingway. He's driving me mad! He can't freaking write! (IMHO) He has this macho way of writing - he wrote this book for men, not for everyone. He holds tight to this 'I'm a man's man" sort of ideal for his characters and all the women are flat - actually they're very curvatious, you know what I mean - In "A Farewell to Arms" Catherine, the supposed heroine to Henry's hero, is a complete bimbo. There is honestly nothing there, even the professor agreed with that statement. He's driving me nuts; I'm not sure how I am going to finish this novel. I'm so glad that "Mrs. Dalloway" next, it will be a nice break from all the testosterone.